Hen Do Dilemma - should I arrange it?

emjleo85  @missengaged Hhmm tricky one due to the situations theyre in....i think maybe have a word with them and see what they want to do...i would say they might be grateful of something to do to take their minds off everything but like you said if nothings been done so far then it might not get done....id give them the choice but if theyre insistent that they want to do it then maybe stress to them to shap themselves xx

mrskent2b  @missengaged Oh no! Firstly, i know this sounds harsh but they are the ones who ended the relationships so cant use the 'heartbroken card' It was their choice so need to move on. Secondly, could you not speak to them and say that other people are enquiring as they need to book holidays etc. Say you dont mind arranging something yourself but give them the option to help along side you. That way they can still be involved if they want to but you will also be reassured know that things are being done! Hope everything gets sorted my lovely x x x

bongolola  I had similar problem with mine nothing was being done and wedding was getting closer, so just said I'd arrange it as I know everyone and they don't so easier option. My bridesmaids were more than happy with this. I arranged accommodation and transport there. They arranged me some lovely surprises.Had spa day, limo for eve and vip room in nightclub. What do you want to do? Have you all discussed ideas? x

mrslopez2b  @missengaged - Morning hun, funnily enough I'm in pretty much the same situation. My maid of honour is constantly telling me she's super busy. Her dad (my uncle) passed away last year and she's had alot of stress with that not to mention just starting a teaching job. So everytime I call her she says she's really sorry she's not been in touch but she's finishing work ridiculously late and hasn't had time for anything or anyone.
I was fine with that but before any of this she was always the same with cancelling last minute and she cancelled on me the weekend before last when I was supposed to measure her for her dress as she was hungover. Then today she text me accidentally about something we were supposed to do together (she's now booked with another friend) and was asking this friend if they were free this weekend (she was meant to come and be measured for her dress) she text to say she'd messaged the wrong person with no mention of her coming this weekend so I've decided to take things over myself as like you I didn't want to bring up the hen do as she was so busy, but I have had a lot of people asking me lately as it will fall within peak holiday season.
As soon as I got into work this morning I set up a facebook group inviting guests to set a date for early August. I haven't given details of the event but wanted to get a date booked in as we are also losing weekends quickly with the planning and as much as she has things going on so do I. It probably sounds harsh but if she has to much going on she could quite easily say to me to ask someone else to step up as maid of honour and I wouldn't be offended. I just feel I have enough to arrange then having the added responsibility of running around after everyone.
Also with leaving the event details free she can always take over if it puts her nose out of joint but the simple fact is that this isn't only about her and I have many other friends who have experienced hard times in the past year and have other committments too so I can't expect other people to be waiting on tender hooks because of one person.
So my advice is to begin sorting a date yourself.
I would like to think me putting the wheels in motion will take the pressure off my maid of honour and if she still doesn't show any interest I'll ask someone else to step up and help as other people have been really helpful xxx

munchkin79  @missengaged Hey hun, I have organised my own hen as chief bridesmaid (little sis) said she didn't know where to start. So, I've organised the whole going away ie transport, hotels etc but said to her to plan the activities etc. So, she's chosen the theme (Cowboys and Indians) and is working out which bars, restaurants etc we will be visiting.
Maybe you can go down a similar route with yours? Organise the basics and the guest list and then ask them to work on the finer details?

clareandneil2012  @missengaged Hi hun i was in exactly the same situation my both my sister and bestie are my bridesmaids. My bestie was supposed to be organising my hen do with my sisters help but basically hadn't even organised anything. I also gave her a list over a year ago and pressed that i wanted everyone to have as much notice as possible so they had plenty of time to pay for things.
well last week nothing had still be organised and i ended up collaring my sister asking what was going on and although she had got together some ideas and prices felt like she didn't want to 'take over' for my bestie (who clearly had not organised anything!) so i ended up calling a mini meeting with my sister , bestie and another friend and said that this had to be organised and sorted as i was stressing out about people not being able to afford to come with the short notice.
So that night we text everyone that i wanted to invite asking them to meet up (yesterday evening) to book something that night so please bring cards or cash. Then i spent the next couple of days with my sister going over some ideas and prices which she could pass off as her ideas.
Everyone turned up last night i was kicked out to the pub with h2b and decisions were made and deposits were paid! yay!
Apparently my bestie breathed a sigh of relief when is was booked and admitted to have been struggling and not knowing what to do (I wish she has asked earlier rather than me having to step in!) but its all sorted now and i have had texts all morning of very excited girlies!
Anyway my advice would be to sit them both down and either offer to help and do something like i did and get them all together or explain that you understand that they are probably going through rough patches with splitting from partners and your happy to take over if they feel they cant cope at the moment. im pretty sure they will want to do it so just pin them down for a date to get everyone together.
I think its hard for us brides because its all we are thinking of at the moment i we forget that everybody else isnt! lol good luck hun xx

missengaged  @emjleo85
@mrskent2b
@bongolola
@mrslopez2b
@munchkin79
@clareandneil2012
Thanks girls! In a way it's nice to know I'm not alone!! They know exactly what I want to do! I couldn't make it any easier, gave them a guest list, a breakdown of what I want to do (mini party/pre drinks at mine, limo to the West End, Dream Boys show and clubbing after), I even had made enquiries with ,limo companies and had quotes etc but still nothing!! I know us brides are obsessed with our weddings and not everyone else is thinking about it, but I have been considerate to their situations and have been supportive, not asked them for help with anything for the big day, so it's a shame they haven't stepped up! Will contact them now I think as it's worrying me a bit now.x

jen150912  @missengaged No more Miss-Nice-Nicola! I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be putting up with that - I told my BMs that if they didn't get something organised pronto then I'd do it myself - thankfully they all jumped to it! (Do you remember that my friend Jill, who had just split up with her long-term-bf kicked it all off, helping me look at accommodation and trains??) Text them both saying that you know that they've got a lot going on just now, but you want your hen-do sorted, and if they don't get together with you in the next week to hash out some ideas etc, then you'll do it yourself as time is ticking and you've had other friends and family asking what's going on. No excuses - if it was me who had just split up with my other half, I'd be looking for something to take my mind of it, even if it was me who ended it! Stop being so nice and be selfish!! xxx

mrswilsonme  @missengaged I think something definitely needs said. You're not being selfish, this is an important time and it was even before they decided to break up with the respective partners ! Life goes on....and henny's require planning !!! I would say something like 'appreciate you've got other things on your mind and in view of this, if you would like, I can take over the plans of the hen do as we need to get things moving...' they can then either say 'No sorry I've been a selfish moo and I'll get my finger out' or they'll say 'yes actually, I'm still feeling sorry for myself and would appreciate you planning your own henny !' EXACTLY like my girls. 2 of my BFs and BMs have split up with their bfs and my all time bezza told me she wasn't interested in hearing about our wedding given that her own 4 year relationship had ended. I then felt really really bad about being inconsiderate and thought I was being melodramatic and dare I say it, becoming a bridezilla then spoke to a few of you girlies who said 'no life moves on and does that mean that they'll never be happy for you again...' and then told my other BM (SIL2B) that she was crap ! Within a week she was down here for 5 hours going through options for henny...SPEAK UP DOLL ! x

mrsmander2b  @missengaged I was in the situation where my MOH wasn't bothered about planning my hen do every time i mentioned it, it was like I shouldn't have one because she didn't, so I asked my bridesmaid (best friend of 16yrs) if she would plan it for me. She was over the moon and within days I was invited to my hen do on an events page on FB there were 3 suggestions of where we could go, people opted for a 3 course meal at a live jazz bar which later turned into a revolving night club... Brilliant However 2 days later on my birthday i get a horrible phone call from MOH husband telling me how my bridesmaid is taking over my MOH doesnt want to go to a club and wont eat the food on the menu, i was gutted i spoke to my bridesmaid she had so much stuff planned surprises and t-shirts etc everyone had been included at her expense. Now my hen do is going to be at a Chinese buffet place, not what I had in mind for my hen do at all but felt the need to change it after I had been made to feel so bad. GO FOR WHAT YOU WANT, EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO TAKE CHARGE TO GET IT, I WONT BE HAVING THE FUN FILLED HEN I WANTED BECAUSE I WANTED TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE. xx

futuremrsd  @missengaged Hi hun, totally agree with the others and couldn't have put it any better than @mrswilsonme! I would speak to them and say that people are asking when it is, etc and you would have hoped at least a date would have been arranged by now so that people can put it in their diaries! If that doesn't give them a kick up the ass, say that you'll organise the date with everyone and leave the rest to them (sounds like you've given them a fairly comprehensive list already so shouldn't be that difficult for them to sort out!) Definately have a chat to them and make them realise they need to step up! Bridesmaids don't have that many duties so least they can do is put a bit of effort into planning the hen do! One of my bridesmaids split up with her partner of 9 years a couple of months back and whilst I know it is hard for her and she probably doesn't want to hear me going on about my wedding all the time (I do try not to but can't help mentioning things!) she is still arranging my hen do with the other bridemaids!

Good luck! xx

missengaged  @jen150912
@mrsmander2b
@futuremrsd Right ladies, I called best friend no answer! Text the both the same message, explaining I understand they are busy and going through complicated times etc etc so will take over myself! My sis has said she will get the ball rolling and they will meet up! I told her to do it this week, to which I got told I am clearly a control freak and do what I want! x

joski28  @missengaged oh dear... my two best friends are sorting mine but it was a hard slog getting them to do it, I got real confused about a text I'd recieved off one of them (can't be bothered going into it but it didn't make any sense to me lol) so I left the other less ditzy friend a voicemail saying so (in a nice way I thought) and she sent me a mammoth email the next day saying how they were trying their best and I shouldn't be getting angry with them, they're only trying to help etc etc. I wish I had of done it all myself to be honest because it would have been far less stressfull, it's in 8 weeks and it's still not sorted properly and everyones confused as hell as what we're doing and how much it will cost. Do it yourself hun, if they want to sadd surprises in then thats up to them. Hens are much more stressful than weddings don't you think? Haha x

joski28  @mrsmander2b exactly the same here, because of so much faffing about first I had a party bus planned (done everything before they took over and all they had to do was email the contacts I gave them, that went bottoms up and now i've lost my meal and activity in Manchester and it's just a night out, all because I didn't want people to get confused or have to pay too much. I'm hoping there will be some surprises involved but who knows? Should have done it myself too x

jen150912  @missengaged Well if that's her attitude I wouldn't want her doing anything to help!! You're not a control freak, you just want things sorted so there isn't any guessing!! Hopefully your friend will have a better attitude... xx

futuremrsd  @missengaged I agree with @jen150912 you're not a control freak, its not unreasonable to want them to sort the hen do out for you and to sort it in advance so that people have a clue whats going on and can make sure they are free to attend! Hope they get it sorted for you hun as you're working so hard sorting your wedding day out it would be nice for them to sort something out for you that you don't have to worry about! x

laubabeuk  I had a similar thing. I ended up booking the accommodation for my hen do myself in October (house in Brighton) as bridesmaids didn't seem bothered. Since then though, things have improved with my bridesmaids and they are are now really enthusiastic about it and they have arranged some secret activitives for the weekend which is great. Looking back, although I was annoyed with them at the time, i think it was a bit unreasonable for me to expect them to get excited about my hen do 6 months before it was due to take place . Still, I am SOOO glad i booked the house when i did as they were completely booked out by the end of December.

What i'm trying to say is, maybe you should book the accommondation now, so at least that is sorted and then nearer the time, when things with your bridesmaids have calmed down, you can leave it to them to sort out the activities xx

laubabeuk  Ps. At least try to get everyone to agree on a date for your hen do. This can be harder than you think so it's good to give people plently of warning! good luck! x

laubabeuk  @mrslopez2b I had the same with my maid of honour. When i wanted to book my hen do, she kept telling me how busy she was (she started a new job) and was working long hours etc etc. I didn't mind but she kept taking aggges to reply to emails/texts about hen do plans which I found really rude. I ended up having a big row about it with her which actually helped things as i got everything off my chest. I was told her that inunderstood that she was busy but that one of the jobs as bridesmaid was to plan my hen do and i have enough to do myself planning the actual wedding. she didn't actually apologise but since our words, she's been so much nicer and much more enthusiastic about the hen do so she must've taken on board what i said xx

gina130284  Hi Nic, I understand the position you're in. I think the girls are right tho- call them seperately and ask them directly 'with everything thats happened shall I organise my hen do as people are starting to ask about dates to book off work etc. I dont want to put any pressure on you if you dont want to sort it right now. I can arrange the basics (invites, dates, places maybe activities etc), and maybe nearer the time if you feel ready to do 'wedding' stuff you can help out with some extras (goody bags, veil, tiars, etc)'.

If you leave things as they currently are it doesnt sound like anyone will volunteer to do anything, especially as you originally asked in September.

baldwin2bconnolly  @missengaged
Hey hun, i know what your going through.... im in the same boat. My sister is MOH and bestie is bridesmaid and my sister last year had an idea to orgainse something but as every said it was to far she scrapped it, sicne then she hasnt dont a thing about it. I dont feel she will either as about 3 weeks or so ago she texted me asking me the date of my wedding!!!! I couldnt believe it!!!
As for my bestie she has 3 children under 4 and a job so no chance she would have time to do it and feel that my sister being my MOH should do it. She is away at the moment in New Zealand so cant do anything till she is back. I am going to tell her when she gets back if she dont i will. I think you should speak to them about it as its not fair on any one else waiting for the info etc xx

missglovesteas  @missengaged hey there, after 7 months of waiting for my bridesmaid to do anything and nothing happening, my friends felt the same, so I organised it myself, she got a bit annoyed but it wasn't like I didn't ask for her to sort it, I gave her a list of names, suggested ideas and venues, still nothing... Save yourself the stress and organise it, or just get them round with a bottle of wine or two, pencil in a date and go from there, you might drum something up. Personally though, my friends have actually said they would rather give me money for it than some random they don't necessarily know, not that they don't trust them, just they'd rather not :D
Good Luck!

loves_to_dance  @missengaged I'm in a similar situation myself. I'm having my sister and best friend as my only 2 bridesmaids. They are meant to be organising the hen do between them. I got the 3 of us together last September to have a nice day together and talk about the hen do. Since then I sent them a list of who I'd like to invite with contact details etc and we decided on 2 possible weekends which were put to the vote. So we have a date but as far as I can see, nothing has been organised since then. I sent them an email a couple of weeks ago with a new email address for one of the guests, as I didn't think they would have got hold of her on the other one and I've said that if they need me to do anything to sort the weekend, just to say. I got an email back from my sister saying not to panic, that they had it in hand but that it was proving really difficult to find affordable accommodation. So basically that means that they haven't booked anything yet, and I'm meant not to worry?! My hen weekend is in early April, so not far away now so I am starting to stress. The other complication is that my best friend has been quite ill recently, so I obviously don't want to upset or burden her. But my sister knows this and still doesn't seemed to have stepped up and sorted anything. I don't know how to get this sorted without upsetting my best friend or pissing off my sister. Think I'd better speak to them and maybe offer to take it off their hands.

lollih  @missengaged I asked my sister and best friend to organise my hen- best friend even offered then nothing was ever discussed or arranged so I set up a event on facebook and made them admin so everyone knew the plan and could discuss dates etc...I'm glad I've organised it myself because I'm a bit of a control freak and hate surprises so better for me. Good luck!xxx

loves_to_dance  Update ladies - seems my girls have got things under control and accomodation is (nearly?) booked, well reserved at least. Feel much better now knowing that plans are well underway. Hope you all manage to get to a similar situation with your hens.

foxylady41  @missengaged It should be down to your chief bridesmaid, however i think you should decide where u want to go and just tell them, saying that you realise thay have other commitments at the mo and you wanted to make sure you got it booked. Places to have night appear to book quite fast and in advance, especially Liomo's if youre thinking of having one!