Need a bit of advice. H2b brother has been stopping with us for a few nights this week. Currently in a one bed flat and will be moving to a 2 bed house. He has asked if he can move into the second bedroom for a few months to get back on his feet and save for his own place and has said he will pay me £60 per week.
Only problem is that he is useless with money and go kicked out of his mom and dads for never paying his rent. He likes a good drink and uses coke which a massive majority of his money goes to.
I have offered to take money off him to hold so it gets saved, but his previous girlfriend tried to help him with money and apparently beat her up because she wouldn't give him any money (not sure how true this is, but it has been said by a few).
As true tradition with me and h2b he has left me with the decision (how nice of him). H2b arguement was what if it gets to the end of the 3 months and he has nowhere to go. I replied that i am going to have to speak to his brother and say that if you dont pay rent your gone and if at the end you still haven't saved then i am not going to let you stay. Now this in theory is a good idea, but both h2b and me (more h2b) are not sure that he will 1) keep paying his rent 2) even bother saving 3) leave as agreed.
I always try and see the good in people and hope they will change but do i take the risk for it only to back fire.
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 September 2010
Added 729 forum messages, 9 albums and 2 listings.
Ayrshire.
katiedarlin
i think its really nice that you are trying to help your future brother in law and i understand your concerns i think you should speak to him about what you expect in return for a roof over his head....lay down some rules and see how he reacts. give him a deadline and let him know what will happen if a, he doesnt pay or b he hasnt found somewhere else by a set date......his stuff will be out in the rain. that way he wont have a leg to stand on if he doesnt obay by your rules afterall it will be your new house and he should respect your generosity. i think that people are more likley to take the mikey if they think that you owe them something eg parents and girlfriends but your tie is sl;ightly less so hopefully if its you that lays down the rules he will take note.....and if it all goes t**s up then it is less likely to effect his relationship with your H2B
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 14 July 2011
Added 17 forum messages.
Aberdeen.
jenr101
does he have a job? I think its great you want to help him out but you definitely need to set the rules out concerning money etc. All of you need to have a proper chat about it so everyone knows where they stand in advance, he needs to know you are serious about asking him to leave after 3 months if you have received no money. I think your H2B needs to be there during the discussions as well because you dont also want to turn out looking like "the bad guy".
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 22 May 2010
Added 972 forum messages.
Renfrewshire.
jen150912@kelz15912 I totally agree with @jenr101 - don't let your h2b have you making the decision on your own. He's his brother, it's his house, and at the end of the day, his problem. You're being so kind in helping him out just now, but I have a horrible feeling that it's going to go pete tong. The thing with coke addicts is that they don't care who gets in their way of the next hit. The only way to ensure that you get your rent when it's due is to go to the bank with his, and take it off him. As for the violence - I'd hope that your h2b would be making sure that his brother didn't lay a finger on you - or they'd both be out the door!! I would write up a contract that the 3 of you sign, laying down the terms and conditions. None of this '3 strikes and you're out', if he breaks one term of the contract, ie rent on time, give you extra to save for him, etc, then he's out on his ear. It will be seen as a bit extreme, but it could be a good thing.
Telling you hun, it wouldn't be me - but then I'm a cold hearted bitch x
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 13 October 2010
Added 118 forum messages and 6 albums.
SOUTHAMPTON, Hampshire.
Wedding will be on 7 July 2012 Southampton, Hampshire
clareandneil2012@katiedarlin @jenr101 @kelz15912 The ladies have good ideas and I agree with them, you need to set down the law down first. Also it wouldn't hurt to have it in written form so you all sign to say you agree with the terms that way he has it in writing and change what he 'thought you said'
Hope it all goes well xx
25 Aug 2011 at 10:02
• Wedding will be in July 2012
• Reply
• Like •
kayren555
(36 years old)
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 22 May 2010
Added 310 forum messages.
Saltcoats, Ayrshire.
The wedding was on 21 April 2012 Moorpark House, Kilbirnie, Ayrshire
kayren555@kelz15912 I was gonna suggest the same as @clareandneil2012 if it is in writing there can be no confusion. It is really sweet of you to help him, but be careful cos sometimes being nice comes back and bites you on the bum. xx
25 Aug 2011 at 10:44
• Wedding was in April 2012
• Reply
• Like •
tinks1985
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 July 2011
Added 516 forum messages.
Birmingham, West Midlands.
tinks1985@kelz15912 i think it's lovely that you're trying to help him out but make sure that you do set down the ground rules. Like the others have said preferably in writing as then there can be no confusion over what's expected. The most important thing to do would be to ensure that he has set up a system for saving his money and making sure that you get your rent each month etc. It might also be worth mentioning that he shouldn't be using his drugs in your house because that could lead to all sorts of bigger problems like dealers visiting, other users visiting and police visiting! Obviously if it's your house and the police get hold of the fact that he's using you could be in trouble too.
Don't let h2b leave all the decisions to you cause it's his brother and he should be the one to do the majority of the talking to him (with you there too) so that it doesn't make you look like the bad guy. Also if he has a history of violence, i would try and make sure that you spend as little time alone with him in the house as possible. You've got to think of your safety first!
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 March 2011
Added 197 forum messages.
Helston, Cornwall.
Wedding will be on 2 June 2012 Helston, Cornwall
melissarose
I agree with the all the girls hun and in particular the 'contract' that all 3 of you sign. The other thing i would say is not to let him take drugs in your house or 'stash' it in your house! the last thing you want is a rude alarm call at 5am from the police! x @kelz15912
25 Aug 2011 at 13:54
• Wedding will be in June 2012
• Reply
• Like •
missengaged
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 1 February 2011
Added 566 forum messages and 2 albums.
Bedfordshire.
missengaged
Oh no, I may seem the bad guy here but I don't agree with the ladies! I understand what you mean about seeing the good in everyone and that is fine but your own words were he 'never' paid his Mum and Dad their rent, 'useless' with money and most scarily takes coke! I personally wouldn't do it! I think you have done your bit by helping him already and think you are playing with fire a bit here!! Your h2b has said it's your decision, so what happens if worse case scenario he does move into the new house and like @melissarose said you do end up with police knocking on your door, or doesn't pay the money, how will you then get him out?! Hopefully h2b wouldn't still be saying the same thing but you don't want to end up arguing with him over his brother!!x
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 July 2011
Added 516 forum messages.
Birmingham, West Midlands.
tinks1985@kelz15912 i bet you are, i think i would be too! I'm ok, having issues with my chief bridesmaids and other close mates but ok other than that
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 July 2011
Added 516 forum messages.
Birmingham, West Midlands.
tinks1985@kelz15912 my best mate (who's also my chief bridesmaid) had all our other close friends round at hers last night and only invited me as an after thought which kinda annoyed me anyway. Then when i got there none of them asked how i was, how the wedding planning is going etc. My best mate had told me to bring the pictures of my new dress cause she couldn't come when i went to try it on again. So i took the pictures on my memory stick, she put them up on the computer and then never bothered to look at them. I got ignored for a lot of the night and i now appear to be on the outside of all the inside jokes. I didn't even stay for an hour and i came away after making the worst excuse ever (if i don't leave now i won't get a parking space for my car).
I wouldn't have preferred her not to invite me at all than to invite me and ignore me all evening. So far she's done nothing to help me with the wedding and with h2b still moaning it's too early and my other bridesmaids just being really, really awkward i am almost at breaking point!
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 17 February 2011
Added 538 forum messages.
Birmingham, West Midlands.
kelz15912@tinks1985 how rude that is totally not acceptalbe behaviour. I had problems with my bms saying why are you doing everything now, its way too early. they would get annoyed when i asked questions. I just told them look when i ask just reply. it makes it easier for me.
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 July 2011
Added 516 forum messages.
Birmingham, West Midlands.
tinks1985@kelz15912 they're moaning about my colour scheme cause none of them like pink, every dress i choose they say they hate it and will refuse to wear it but i don't like what they're picking, they're all being fussy over the style and length of dress they want and can't seem to agree on anything, and the thing that gets to me most is that whenever i go out with them to look at dresses they refuse to try anything on. I've tried on more bridesmaids dresses than i did wedding dresses so that i could get a rough idea of what the dresses would look like on a person as opposed to on the hanger. My chief bridesmaid has yet even to show up for any of the dress shopping trips. It's just all getting a bit much
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 17 February 2011
Added 538 forum messages.
Birmingham, West Midlands.
kelz15912@tinks1985 i would tel them that they are wearing what you pick or they just arent going to be a bridesmaid. Totally unfair what they are doing? xx
Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 July 2011
Added 516 forum messages.
Birmingham, West Midlands.
tinks1985@kelz15912 i agree, it is totally unfair. I know that with my older sister a lot of it is down to jealousy. She's been with her boyfriend for longer than me and my h2b have been together and always assumed she'd be the first to get married and move out etc. So the fact that me and Dave are engaged only a year after we got together touches a nerve with her. I think the others are all just jumping on the bandwagon though and it's hard enough to try and please 1 person let alone trying to please all 4 of them. My only fear of picking a dress and telling them they have to wear it if they want to be a bridesmaid is that i know for a fact that if my older sister doesn't like it she will stop me having her daughter as my flowergirl. I am thinking that if they keep going the way they are going then i won't have any bridesmaids at all and they can all just turn up as guests
Post a reply
Add photos
