Marrying abroad - being called selfish by some friends, what should I do?

28 Dec 2011 • • Like

gina130284	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 23 June 2011 Added 553 forum messages. Liverpool, Merseyside.

Have to say I am absolutely fuming. A few of H2B's friends confided in him on Xmas Eve about a few other people's opinions on our choice of wedding. Apparentely we are selfish and some of our friends are 'a little disappointed' that they cant come to the wedding. Some have even gone as far as saying we have put the cost of a wedding onto other people by having it abroad!!!!!

1) If you're not paying for the wedding you dont get an opinion.
2) If you're stupid enough to have an opinion and discuss this with others, then you must accept there will be consequences when this gets back to me.
3) No-one ever said you cant come to the wedding, there was an open invite for the cruise wedding but EVERYONE will be invited to the party back home. And therefore it is just like being invited to the evening of a wedding! Especially when we will do some speeches, cutting of the cake and the first dance again.
4) When me and H2B are paying for the wedding ceremony, reception, cruise and party back home ourselves (not our parents) how on earth are we putting the cost onto others?!
5) When one of your parents has died it will never be the wedding you dreamt of as a child. Dress shopping isn't as enjoyable as it should be and people just look at you in a wedding dress and cry! The thought of who should sit next to your Dad on the top table is a huge debate - IE noone or does his partner take her seat??!! Every time you're at a wedding fayre and someone shoves a leaflet in your face for the 'Mother of the Bride' you cant decide whether to hit them or sob and leave!

To make this worse certain names have been mentioned and it happens to be my ex-best friend and the girl she has 'replaced' me with. My ''replacement'' was out on Xmas Eve with other friends and she was asking about our wedding and Im sorry I told her anything as she can now bitch about it even more! I am honestly torn about what to do.
1) Confront the 'ring-leader' about this and risk our friendship getting worse, and having nothing left to salvage. Also the guy who told H2B asked us not to say anything.
2) Say nothing to them, and make sure I tell them nothing else about the wedding. Maybe be a bit 'off' with her if and when I see her!

Any recommendations?

28 Dec 2011 at 14:33 • Reply • Like

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mrslightfoot (27 years old)	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 17 May 2011 Added 244 forum messages. Southport, Merseyside. Wedding will be on 30 June 2012 Southport, Merseyside

@gina130284 lots of people will probably disagree with me on this one, but if it was me I'd confront the ringleader. It doesn't take a genius for anyone to realise its got back to you and I wouldn't let her get away with making you this upset, even if the only benefit is you get it all off your chest (which I'm afraid is the only benefit, unfortunately its highly likely to lead to more bitching)

28 Dec 2011 at 15:40 • Wedding will be in June 2012 • Reply • Like •

tinks1985	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 July 2011 Added 516 forum messages. Birmingham, West Midlands.

@gina130284 i agree with @mrslightfoot on this one. I would definitely confront them about it. From the sound of it the friendship is all but over anyway if they're being this bitchy about you behind your back. At least by confronting them about it you get it all off your chest and you get to end things properly on your terms. There is no way that she should be allowed to get away with being such a cow and upsetting you over YOUR wedding decisions. It sounds like they're just jealous and are trying to find something to moan and bitch about.

If it was me i'd definitely confront them

28 Dec 2011 at 16:17 • Reply • Like •

gina130284	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 23 June 2011 Added 553 forum messages. Liverpool, Merseyside.

@mrslightfoot Thats it hun I just cant be bothered with more bitching! If I bring it up then Im going to look like the one causing it all, which is the only reason Im considering not mentioning it but also not forgetting it either, and might just be a bit off with her instead. xx

28 Dec 2011 at 16:19 • Reply • Like

jo101280 (31 years old)	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 6 March 2011 Added 134 forum messages. Lincoln, Lincolnshire. Wedding will be on 7 June 2012 Barbados

@gina130284 totally agree with the others, we're marrying abroad also and have had similar things said about it behind our backs (including from the MIL) that have made it back to us, so ive had to have words with a few people about it and told them that they had their weddings how they wanted them, and now its our turn we're doing it how we want. So I would bring it up in conversation with these so-called friends and ask them to explain themselves, just try not to mention who you've got the information from.
Try not to let them get to you too much though - enjoy your wedding and time away and sod what anyone else things/says its got nothing to do with them.
Keep us informed on how it goes - good luck xx

28 Dec 2011 at 16:25 • Wedding will be in June 2012 • Reply • Like •

naiomie	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 April 2011 Added 49 forum messages. Coventry, West Midlands.

@gina130284 first off. it is your day not theres so in plain terms - screw what they think. just answer your self 2 questions - are you happy with what you have choosen?? and do you really care what they think?? dont let it get to you, if you do they have won. and if they are being loke that then they are not friends worth having. personal if it was me i would not mention anything to them cause they dont deserve it and just not bother with them anymore. we had a similar situation with one of my H2B friends who was going to be a best man and we have been all the better for thell him to shove off. you dont need friends like that. x x x

28 Dec 2011 at 16:45 • Reply • Like •

fabulousfebruary	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 29 May 2011 Added 89 forum messages.

@gina130284 The miserable swines! I'm sorry but it's clearly a big case of the green eyed monster. They're not worth your time or effort. All that matter is this is your and your husband to be's day and you're happy with it. People are very unfeeling and often say things to make them feel better about their own miserable lives. Ignore them, hold your chin high and remember it will be a lovely day because you're marrying the person you love.

Ignorant gits.

28 Dec 2011 at 19:42 • Reply • Like •

missengaged	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 1 February 2011 Added 568 forum messages and 2 albums. Bedfordshire.

Aw bless ya Gina!! I wouldn't say anything hun!! If you do, you will only be breaking the trust from the person that told you, which isn't fair (in my opinion)! You don't have to justify to anyone about your choices for the wedding so leave them make their assumptions and carry on as you are!! The bit about your Mum must be so hard for you aswell! (sending lots of hugs)! Honestly hun, just rise above them!!x

28 Dec 2011 at 20:31 • Reply • Like •

meeeshel (31 years old)	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 22 July 2010 Added 808 forum messages and 3 albums. Hertfordshire. The wedding was on 28 April 2012 Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire

I agree with @missengaged - I had a spat with h2b's cousins over her complete disregard over our plans or feelings (long story) - I said something about it and wish I hadn't as they've twisted things now in chinese whispers and It's just not worth the hassle, they'll just use it as an excuse to be more bitchy and it'll let them get what they really want and that is to get under your skin. It's just jealousy pure and simple - rise above it and tell them no more!! I know how you feel about planning without your mum, im going through the same and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. x

28 Dec 2011 at 21:33 • Wedding was in April 2012 • Reply • Like •

gina130284	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 23 June 2011 Added 553 forum messages. Liverpool, Merseyside.

@mrslightfoot
@tinks1985
@jo101280
@naiomie
@fabulousfebruary
@missengaged
@meeeshel

Thanks ladies - I had a few glasses of vino lastnight and had to stop myself from texting her. I spoke to Mike (H2B) about it again and he's really concerned that it could be obvious whose told us and therefore I shouldnt say anything. After what happened earlier this year he really cant stand ex-best friend so he wasnt exactly surprised when he guessed it was her saying things. He thinks I should just ignore them and not arrange any nights out with them anymore and not pop round to see them. If they ask about the wedding plans dont tell them anything and if they ask why then tell them I've heard that people are slagging off our choice of wedding and therefore I dont want to talk about it with those who arent directly involved. See what comes of this!

29 Dec 2011 at 10:35 • Reply • Like •

futuremrsd	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 25 August 2011 Added 114 forum messages.

@gina130284 Aw bless you Hun really feel for you. Can't imagine how hard it must be to plan your wedding without your mum without all this as well. I agree with the others that it is your day and as long as you and your h2b are happy then forget everyone else. Your true friends will be happy for you and those that aren't are not worth thought. Hope it gets better Hun, don't let them ruin one of the happiest times of your life. xx

29 Dec 2011 at 22:54 • Reply • Like •

mysterymeg (23 years old)	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 29 May 2011 Added 44 forum messages. Gloucestershire. The wedding was on 28 January 2012 Gloucestershire

@gina130284 god girls can be bitchy! I totally get why you want to do things a bit differently to the traditional way all things considering. Its non of their beeswax anyway. Just get on with planning your wonderful wedding, they'll either come round which would be great or they won't which will be their problem. Love and hugs

29 Dec 2011 at 23:24 • Wedding was in January 2012 • Reply • Like •

gina130284	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 23 June 2011 Added 553 forum messages. Liverpool, Merseyside.

@futuremrsd
@mysterymeg
Thanks girls - I've calmed down over the last few days but it did really bug me. I keep reminding myself we've just sorted our wedding rings (within the past few weeks) and next Saturday Im going to try on my favourite dress with my friend (not those mentioned above), auntie and MIL to be. I've got too much to look forward to so dont want anything spoiling it for me.
Thing is it would be bloody hilarious if I just didnt invite them to the party and then Id have the last laugh hahaha

30 Dec 2011 at 10:49 • Reply • Like •



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Marrying abroad - being called selfish by some friends, what should I do?

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