Told my dad he can't come to the wedding

3 Jan 2012 • • Like

fabulousfebruary	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 29 May 2011 Added 89 forum messages.

Some of you may remember a little while ago i said i was having major problems with my dad, stepmum and brother. Basically they said my cousins/auntie/uncle hated me and wouldn't be coming to the wedding any longer after my fiance and I didn't invite my cousins' children to the wedding. It was an incredibly traumatic phone call for me. After a lot of soul searching I decided i could no longer speak to them any more or have them at the wedding. It seems drastic I know but they have rung me up so often over the past decade to scream at me down the phone and i really felt like i couldn't take it anymore.

Basically i sent them a letter today, which the money they gave us for the wedding, telling them i was cutting off contact because i couldn't face going through it again. It hurts too much and i feel like it's a constant battle. I really REALLY don't want to hurt any of them so the letter was more about explaining my decision and saying sorry, how much i love them etc. But i am now having major panic attacks about how much this could hurt them. I really don't want to. This is just for self protection. But I know sometime over the next few days I'm going to get some sort of retort saying anything from "We won't contact you again" to "you're a selfish horrible person who has hurt your dad again". God i just feel like a mess.

The wedding is coming up soon and I doubt i would have made this decision if it hadn't been for that. But we haven't spoken since November when it happened, except to get a Christmas card from him which barely said anything, and my brother has slagged me and my fiance off to my mum and grandma, lying about us. I have always had a feeling my dad sees me more as a piece of property than anything else and I didn't really want him walking me down the aisle or having much to do with the day incase he said something horrible to me. I just feel like I have failed and am a horrible person because i have resorted to cutting off contact with him. I know they won't see it my way and am desperate not to hurt them but I know this will.

Sorry to waffle! I'm being a big blubberer at the moment.

3 Jan at 17:47 • Reply • Like

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mrsmorrisontobe	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 6 March 2011 Added 115 forum messages and 4 albums. 30, Northumberland.

@fabulousfebruary what a situation your dad, stepmom and brother have put you in. I know it will be difficult for you to wait for their response - standing up to bullies always is incredibly hard but you have done so in the best way.
My h2b decided to cut his dad out of our lives just before Christmas and he feels the guilt of not wanting to upset his dad too. At some point you have to put yourself first and not let them hurt you anymore.
Big hugs xxxxx

4 Jan at 08:19 • Reply • Like

fabulousfebruary	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 29 May 2011 Added 89 forum messages.

@mrsmorrisontobe Thank you hun, and I'm really sorry to hear your h2b is going through the same thing. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. Some people really do suck sometimes. I don't think the letter has been delivered yet. Stupid recorded delivery! But I'm considering switching my phone off over the next few days. Don't want to be around when the poo hits the fan. Thank you for your kind words

4 Jan at 21:41 • Reply • Like

mrsmorrisontobe	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 6 March 2011 Added 115 forum messages and 4 albums. 30, Northumberland.

@fabulousfebruary good idea about turning your phone off- fil2b has not contacted us since we last saw him at the beginning of December. H2b gets upsets as he feels guilty, I listen but the best thing that makes him feel better is talking to his brother who has also decided to cut his dad out.
Hope you manage well over the next few days xxxx

5 Jan at 08:17 • Reply • Like

nextmrstaylor (32 years old)	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 9 March 2011 Added 710 forum messages. Do not know when the wedding will be

@fabulousfebruary its a good thing that you have sent a letter explaining everything about how you feel etc,then that way they can never bring up the fact of why you stopped talking to them (though they might still do out of spite). You have done all you can and its now upto them if they want to behave like adults, read your letter and talk to you about the situation and see if you can sort something out or carry on behaving like children. Hopefully for you things do get sorted between yous, you never know though, stranger things have happend xx

6 Jan at 22:17 • Reply • Like •

mrsmorrisontobe	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 6 March 2011 Added 115 forum messages and 4 albums. 30, Northumberland.

@fabulousfebruary I was just wondering how you are? Has anyone been in touch?

18 Jan at 08:18 • Reply • Like

fabulousfebruary	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 29 May 2011 Added 89 forum messages.

@mrsmorrisontobe Hia. I got a letter back from my dad and stepmum about a week ago. It wasn't very nice. I spent weeks writing mine and did it on the computer so it wasn't angry and rushed. Theirs were both handwritten and clearly written in anger. I don't really blame them but they didn't really think about what they were saying.

Basically they sad they were shocked i didn't want them at the wedding, I had blown everything out of proportion and the decision I had made would probably haunt me for the rest of my life. They had just refused to listen to me or attempt to try and understand what I was saying and they said their actions toward me were justified because of the way I acted. It wasn't very nice but I am feeling better about everything knowing it is all over now and I can focus on the rest of my life.

How is your h2b getting on? And thank you for asking

18 Jan at 20:39 • Reply • Like

mrsmorrisontobe	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 6 March 2011 Added 115 forum messages and 4 albums. 30, Northumberland.

@fabulousfebruary oh I'm sorry your dad and step mum didnt give their response any thought but leopards don't seem to be able to change their spots. It sounds like it has given you some closure (appologises for sounding American) I'm pleased they haven't hassled you on the phone or came round to your house that would be my worst nightmare!
H2b is good at the minute- he hasn't contacted his dad at all but we've heard via sil2b that he is in hospital. H2b was very strong and refused to phone hospital for his sister. We'll see what the next few days bring as h2bs brother and his wife are expecting the first grandchild in the family so when she arrives it mag stir up happy family emotions for h2b if that makes sense.
Enjoy your last few weeks before the wedding can't wait to see your photo as your dress is beautiful

18 Jan at 21:21 • Reply • Like

fabulousfebruary	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 29 May 2011 Added 89 forum messages.

@mrsmorrisontobe Oh dear, I'm sorry things are tough your end. It must be even worse knowing they're in hospital because it must make you question everything. Do you know if it's serious? Good on him for sticking to his guns though. I really wouldn't know what to do if it happened to me, which no doubt it will have to one day. It's lovely you've got a new baby in the family on the way

It may even help to sort things out if that's what your h2b wants. And if nothing else, like you say, it will hopefully make your h2b feel better.

Your wedding isn't too far off either! Must be getting excited!

21 Jan at 10:15 • Reply • Like



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