Wedding venue - Parents have issues over it

4 Nov 2011 • • Like

mrsp2be	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 4 November 2011 Added 7 forum messages.

We have made a provisional booking and arranged the registrar (even changed the date so the time of the ceremony would be better). My Mum and Dad told me last week 'you can relax and enjoy your weekend now - it was my birthday. Then, on Monday I find out they have randomly found some other venue that they say is better than the one h2b and I love. They say that they have had bad feedback about our venue whereas we've heard only praise. They are insisting that we view the venue they like, we had a look online and the pictures show us that's it really isn't a patch on the one we've chosen and it's not the style we like.

My parents are however making me feel totally guilty and calling me up saying I've upset them,. I'm not a child. I know what I like. I don't get why they won't respect my views. I have listened to their concerns and explained why I don't share their worries. My Mum even went as far as to extend the provisional booking time for my venue (so we don't need to pay our deposit now till next Fri) and has made a provisional booking with the venue she and my Dad like.

I feel so cross as I feel like I'm being held to ransom as we need my parents to pay the deposit, so it's like they think they can dictate what we do. H2b and I went through all their issues with our venue and sent them an e-mail but now I've not heard from them.

What should be a happy and exciting time has become so stressful and upsetting and I don't know what to do now.

4 Nov 2011 at 15:31 • Reply • Like

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tinks1985	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 July 2011 Added 516 forum messages. Birmingham, West Midlands.

@mrsp2be If i was you hun i'd stick to your guns. I've had issues with my mom trying to control elements of the wedding and in the end i've had to put my foot down and say enough is enough.

Tell them why you like the venue you have chosen and gently remind them that they have had their day and this is your day and you should be able to have what you and h2b want (just like i'm sure they got what they wanted!). Just ask them to trust you on this one and hopefully by the time the wedding comes round they will like the venue as much as you do or if not they will put up with it for your sakes.

Either that or go and look at the venue they like in the flesh and find something particular that you don't like and just exaggerate a little bit and say that you couldn't live with it even for one day lol. At the end of the day you and h2b want to be somewhere you feel comfortable with on the day and if you think you've found the right place for you then don't give up on it. After all, would your parents expect you to give up your dream wedding dress because they found one they thought was better even if you didn't like it? Hopefully they wouldn't and I don't see why this should be any different

Good luck hun x

4 Nov 2011 at 15:45 • Reply • Like •

gina130284	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 23 June 2011 Added 553 forum messages. Liverpool, Merseyside.

@mrsp2be I feel your pain but you need to be careful how you approach this. You dont want to upset your parents to the point that you fall out.
If this were me I would probably go and see the venue they like. At the moment no fixed bookings have been made and what have you got to lose by seeing them both. At least it shows you've listened to them and then made your decision based on viewing them both.
Then politely ask them not to over step the mark again by calling your venue or any other people you hire for your big day. Explain to them that you feel very strongly about you & H2B having joint input into the wedding day; you appreciate their support and input but it shouldnt overpower your decision!

4 Nov 2011 at 16:50 • Reply • Like •

missengaged	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 1 February 2011 Added 568 forum messages and 2 albums. Bedfordshire.

Yes, I would say stick to your guns and have the venue you and h2b love! I think your parents should just accept this is the decision you have made and be happy!! On the other hand though, if you feel they have a hold over the decision due to the deposit then do what @gina130284 has suggested and view it to keep them at peace!! Hope you sort it hun, but try not to let it put a downer on things for you!x

4 Nov 2011 at 17:10 • Reply • Like

katiedarlin	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 5 September 2010 Added 729 forum messages, 9 albums and 2 listings. Ayrshire.

if i was you i would go and look at the venue your parents like...you have nothing to loose.
are you sure your parents are not pushing the other venue for other reasons eg price?
if it is truley because of hearing negative feedback...do some research yourself.
i am a little concerned the venue havent got back to about the concerns raised...how long ago did you mail them?
at the end of the day its your decision and it is down to personal taste and your parents should understand that it is your day

4 Nov 2011 at 17:53 • Reply • Like

mrsp2be	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 4 November 2011 Added 7 forum messages.

Thanks guys! Don't think I explained properly but the venue haven't failed to reply to my e-mails. My parents e-mailed me and h2b and we replied to them about our views, and now my parents are giving us the silent treatment.

I have spoken to some friends and they agree that we should just go and see the venue they like. My problem now is that h2b is being really stubborn and as refuses point blank to go. He says that I need to stop being scared of my parents and stick up for myself, which I get, but I now feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Upset my parents or h2b.....I feel like eloping!!

4 Nov 2011 at 19:34 • Reply • Like

ina_vi	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 16 October 2011 Added 56 forum messages. Slough, Berkshire.

Don't look at this problem as "upset the parents or h2b". You shouldn't be playing that game - at the end someone will still be unhappy. Think about yourself, as selfish as it is. Think about what you want. Do you lose something by viewing the new venue? - No. But do you want to view it?
No mater what you decide one person or another will be upset, forgetting it's your big day and not theirs. You can't keep everyone happy! And at the end, I'm sure h2b will stick with your decision ;)

4 Nov 2011 at 21:26 • Reply • Like

mrsp2be	Member of finalstitch.co.uk since 4 November 2011 Added 7 forum messages.

Thanks @ina_vi You're right. I need to just be selfish and do what I want. Although I know seeing the venue won't cost me anything, I really don't want to see it. It's far away and totally not my taste. Plus, I need to stick up for myself, otherwise my parents will always expect me to back down when they 'ask' me to do something. Still not heard from my parents, which is really not like them, but I am going to get on with things as I really haven't done anything wrong!

5 Nov 2011 at 12:30 • Reply • Like •



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